Good Bye Simon Seville?
by Simon wanna be
Summary: Simon is in a deep dark hole mentally and contemplating killing himself. Will he? What will happen? Will someone interfere with his plans? What has driven him to this point?
1. Chapter 1

**A/N Well here's the multi-part oneshot I promised you in my latest update. I will not give you any background information as I want you to guess what its all about and if I did a good job portraying the emotions, thoughts and drama that would happen in a situation like this in real life. Do you think I jumped the gun on some parts? Give me your feedback and I will be looking forward to seeing what you think about this story. **

**

* * *

Simon's pov.**

I put the gun to my head. "I hate my life! It's a miserable existence and not worth living any more." I said as I began tightening my finger around the trigger.

"Simon?" A gentle and kind voice asked; sounding a little distant.

I froze...I knew that voice. That voice belonged to none other than Jeanette (already taken) Miller. "But what is she doing here?" I thought. I was in the tree house (which we had built in our backyard) where no one could see or bother me.

"I'm up in the tree house Jean." I said. Removing the hand gun from my head; I pressed the safety button until it was on. I stood up and hid the gun behind the book case that was up there. Just as I finished Jeanette popped her head up.

"There you are Simon." Jeanette said as she came up through the opening in the floor. "I was worried about you."

"And why were you worried about me?" I asked intrigued. Concerned she was here to stop me from taking my own life.

"Well you just seem really upset and troubled lately. I wanted to spend some time with you and try to comfort you in the process." Jeanette said lovingly.

"Jean you didn't have to. I'm fine really." I lied; trying to convince her that nothing was wrong. I don't think she was buying it.

"Simon Seville! You are a liar and you know it!" She said in a sudden outburst of anger.

"How am I a liar?" I asked; knowing she knew something was up with me. It made me freak out. What did she know? Did she read what I wrote today? Did she follow me to the gun store? Was she stalling me long enough till back up came to take me away to crazy house? I can't go to the crazy house…..I will go crazy…crazier than I already am.

"This right here proves you are!" She said pulling out a crumpled up piece of paper. I recognized it as one of mine that I thought I had thrown away today.

"What? That? It's nothing. Pay no attention to that." I said as I felt a little panicked as I wasn't really sure what paper that was exactly, but I didn't want to find out either.

"And I quote 'I hate my life...who cares about me? I mean no one really does. I have a crush on this girl...but she's already taken and hanging out with someone who is better for her anyways. I am a complete loser...I want to kill myself.' So there's what I found." She said miffed and worried about what the paper indicated.

"Hmm...that's not proving anything one way or the other. For all you know I could have written that months ago!" I said very defensively; I was somewhat relieved it was one of my less direct and more…specific notes I had written in the past.

"Simon don't lie to me...I'm your bff...were like brother and sister. You can tell me anything." She said trying to plead her case to me. I thought to myself "I don't want to just be friends; I want to be so much more than friends. I love you but you can't see that. You are so blind; I am so stupid to still love you. It doesn't matter."

"Just leave me alone Jeanette. I'm not the man you think you know. I have changed into something…someone else. I am beyond help. I'm to far gone to be saved! Just leave me be. Go off with your super awesome boyfriend and just let me fix myself." I said as I began to cry.

"Si...please let me help. You don't mean what you said you are just hurting." She said still pleading.

As she was saying that I thought; you've already done enough for me. I don't need any of your so called 'help' as it only hurts me in the long run. How can you help me when I want to be your boyfriend but the best I could manage was to be your freaking bff? Don't you realize seeing you hurts me more than almost anything in the world? It's a pain that cuts to the core of my being and it seers my inside. I am scared and burned and nothing can take away my pain. I am just to gutless to tell you that you are a source of my pain and that I can't stand to be around you as it hurts to much.

"You...you don't get it do you? No one does. I'm out, kaput, gone, not worth saving, screwed up beyond repair! Only I can fix myself. I will fix myself. So just let me be!" I said as the tears flowed; showing my raw untamed emotions in front of her for the first time in a very long time.

"If that's what you want. Then I'll go. But please remember that I'm here for you. No matter what it is or what time you need me." She said as tears were brimming on her eyes. She knew something was up and that I was hiding something from her. But she also knew I was stonewalling her and I didn't want her in my presence.

"Thanks. Bye." I said happy that she was finally leaving me alone.

When she was gone I pulled the gun out from its hiding place and looked at the catalyst that would end my pain. It was a sleek polished silvery steel colt .45 semi-automatic handgun. It glistened in the sunlight as I observed its majestic beauty and power. This was my ticket out of shitty world.

I remembered Jeanette's pleas to help me...little did she know it was partly her fault why I wanted to end my life. I flashed back to the past.

I was in high school at the time and the end of the school day. I was at my locker which wa located near Jeanette's locker as well. Then I saw her, she looked beautiful to me. "Hey Jean I was wondering if..."

"How's my baby?" A stranger said coming up to Jeanette and planting a kiss on her cheek.

"Ahhh how sweet of you babe." Jeanette said. "What were you saying Si?"

"Oh...I...was going to ask you if wanted to study in library today. But I can see you're busy." I said my mind reeling and failing me.

"Well I am busy but maybe some other time." She said as happy as can be.

"Sure, sounds great." I said in a stupor. "How long have you two been going out for?"

"Oh we've going steady for two years now."

"Why that's great." I lied. "Well I need to be going now."

When the flashback ended I remembered that it had already been a year since that fateful day. I lost the girl of my dreams. Gone...forever. Along with my life in general. I flunked my first...and only semester at Harvard and have been struggling with community college since. My life has been spiraling out of control.

How did it ever get this bad? I...I am always depressed, hopeless and sick of life. I laid down on the tree house floor pulling my knees into my chest. I felt hopeless and in a dark corner of my life. It's the same place I have called home for the past year, voted most likely to succeed. Yeah...right...succeed at taking my own life. It's a prefect thing to end a miserable life.

I felt something wet in my eyes. This was odd to me as my tears never came. It was the first time in a long time that I had cried other than crying in front of Jean. Maybe it was a subtle and desperate plea for help which some part of me wanted deep down. I let it out. I knew what I had to...I just hoped I had the guts to finish it once and for all. It was going to take all of what little strength I had left.

It was then that I realized I forgot to write a suicide note. I wanted to say my final goodbyes to my friends and family. They at least deserved that much. So with that thought I uncurled myself and placed the handgun in my belt and climbed down.

I walked inside and found some pens and paper from my backpack and sat at the kitchen table and began to write for the least time.

My first letter was to my family. It read...

"Dear Dave, Alvin & Theodore,

If you are reading this letter then I am dead, probably because I took my own life. I don't want you to blame yourself for me taking my own life. I did it of my own free will and by myself...I couldn't handle life any more so I did what I thought was in the best interest for all of you. By taking my life I will save you from a life of pain and suffering because you will not have to watch me as I continue to crash and burn throughout the rest of my life. I know how hard it must be living with a loser like me day in and day out; I am sorry I didn't have the courage to end my life sooner.

Alvin; you and your crazy get rich quick schemes drove me up the wall and there were times I wanted to strangle you. But I wouldn't trade those memories I have for anything in the world. I want you to remember me as I used to be, an angry mad genius who hated being used to exploit others. I leave you all my money and my chemistry set. Don't blow yourself up trying to bring my sorry ass back to life; I don't want to be a zombie if you do somehow succeed. The money is for you to use on whatever cockamamie get rich scheme you come up with next.

Theo; I loved you with all my heart. You were the exact opposite of Alvin and would give everything you had to someone less fortunate than yourself. I want you to remember me as the one that could give you good advice and was guiding light who kept you from becoming like Alvin. I loved defending and protecting you and your innocence. Unfortunately what I am doing is going to rob you of you some of that wonderful and blissful ignorance. I leave you my car and all my keepsakes along with my laptop. May you have a better life than me.

Dave; you loved me and kept us when no one wanted us. You were the father I never had and I think you did a great job. I will never forgot all the times Alvin got us into trouble and how you would always scream "AAAAAAALLLLLVVVIIIIIIINNNNNNN!" I am saddened just thinking about how I will no longer be able to hear you say that. You have whatever is left, I wish I could leave you more but I don't think you want anything of mine. I know you'd rather have me...but there's nothing worth having.

I am sorry I failed all of you. I wish I was stronger and able to handle my failures and screw ups. But I am not able to like I thought and you believed I was.

Signed,

Simon.

The next letter is to my friends.

"Dear Brittany, Eleanor and Jeanette,

This is a letter to you from me. If you are reading this then I am dead and have probably taken my own life. I know how hard this must be for you to realize, that Simon silent Seville has ended his life. But I couldn't handle it any more. It's not your fault. I know it may feel like it but its not.

Brittany you acted mean and tough but you confided in me and told me things you never told anyone else. You told me why you were so materialistic and why you acted the way you did but don't worry I won't tell a soul, not even in the afterlife if there is such a thing. I am taking those secrets to my grave as I promised. I am glad I was able to help you in small way even if it was for just a short time. You were and always will be a good friend. I hope you keep my pig headed older brother in line since I will no longer be here to do so. Make sure he doesn't corrupt poor helpless Theodore.

Eleanor you helped me gain confidence to ask a question of the girl I loved and admired the most in my life. I just wish I could have asked the question many years before and made her mine. I remember all the good times we had. I enjoyed you schooling Alvin in athletics. I will miss those when I am gone. Please love Theodore with all your heart as I know you and him are dating. It's a wonderful thing to see him so happy that he has someone like you who loves him with all their heart. I think you two are the perfect couple.

Jeanette...you were a good friend as well. Since I am dead I might as well tell you what I was going to tell you about year ago. I love you and have always loved you. I was going to ask you out that day at the lockers when your boyfriend kissed you. But you and your boyfriend are perfect for each other. I am glad you found someone who is better than me. I hope your life is happy and full of joy.

My heart trembles as I pull the trigger for I know I will miss all of you. You brought happiness to my life albeit short and pathetic.

Signed

Simon.

With the letters written I placed them into envelopes and labeled them. I left them on the table where everyone could see them. I walked upstairs gun still in my belt.

I went into my room and closed the door. I saw it was messy and I began cleaning it up delaying killing myself. Deep down I wanted to live and I was using delay tactics to keep myself alive. But I also knew that delaying only meant living another day in my prison which I knew I didn't want to do.

Down stairs Jeanette was in back yard and saw the sliding door open. She was curious as to why it was open. She walked into the house and glanced around. As she was about to go out and close the door two envelopes caught her eye. She was curious why they were on the table.

When she read the one that said "To The Chipette's" she was very curious. She opened it and began to read what it said.

I was done cleaning my room and ready to end it all. I had found my sound suppressor for my pistol while cleaning my room. Its main purpose was to reduce the sound of the gun. I also wanted to make my death less gruesome and bloody. So I wrapped gauze around my head to help reduce the gore. Also I had a bullet that would shatter on impact so it wouldn't exit the other side of my head. I had been planning this for a very long time gathering up all the necessary tools and items I would need to complete the daunting task at hand. I knew I had to hurry up as my family was going to be home very soon and I didn't want them in the house when I ended my life.

With all the preparations done I laid on my bed placing the gun on the other side of my head away from the door. So that it wouldn't be seen when my family came in the room to check on me, well not me but rather my body.

I laid there looking up at the ceiling for the last time. My finger slowly tightening on the trigger...of my get out of jail free card.

My door burst open and she (Jeanette) came bursting in. The gun fired...my life began to slip away. I said "I love you Jean." Then I was gone.

Jeanette quivered when she heard Simon's dying words to her. She threw the gun away from his limp hand and pressed her hand against the wound the bullet created. She could see he was still alive...somehow the bullet hadn't killed him. She dialed 911 and requested an ems.

She found some bandages and wrapped his wound as best she could. She placed his head in her lap all the while applying pressure to the wound. She said "Why didn't you tell me? Why didn't you tell me you loved me? That you wanted to kill yourself? Simon I love you...I always have. It's all my fault. It's all my fault." She kept saying that over and over.

The paramedics got there and began to administer treatment. They stabilized Simon and as they were moving him to the ems when Dave, Alvin, Theodore Brittany and Eleanor showed up. The girls already knew what had happened as Jeanette had called them. But the guys didn't know. When they saw a stretcher coming out of the house with Simon on it they almost fainted. Theodore blacked out; Alvin lost it and Dave...poor Dave went into shock.

The girls were almost in the same state despite the fact they knew what was up. It shook them to the core seeing Simon on that stretcher. Brittany had tears in her eyes and poor Eleanor fell to her knees.

They were all shocked by the sight and meaning of this. They all thought Simon would be the last to attempt to kill himself. They would have bet their entire life earnings on it. "Oh how the mighty have fallen." Eleanor said.

Jeanette was right by Simon's side when they were loading him up into the ems. She grabbed Dave and dragged him to the ems. And then they were whisked away to the hospital where Simon would be treated and hopefully saved.


	2. Chapter 2

"Simon you have to stay alive for me. You just have to!" Jeanette said as she sat by his side.

Simon had been in the operating room for five hours before they finally wheeled him into the intensive care unit(ICU). The doctors were doubtful Simon would last the night and even if he did...there was little chance that he wouldn't be a vegetable for the rest of his life.

The ICU buzzed as nurses hustled to and fro trying to keep the dying alive. There was always some kind of emergency going on. But Jeanette just phased it all out. Her only focus was her beloved Simon...she had never known that she truly loved him before. It was the strangest feeling to her. After all she had given her heart to someone else...or so she thought. She was conflicted and torn apart by this turn of affairs. What is the matter with me? She kept thinking to herself.

Jeanette's pov.

How could I have missed it? It was right in front of my face the entire time and I missed it like the glasses right in front of my face. I felt some tears roll down my cheeks burning and stinging as they did so. Dave was also there by Simon's side and I am sure he felt just as bad as I did.

"Do you think Simon is going to make it?" I asked trying to hide my fear and sadness. But I didn't do a very good job of it.

"I...I don't know...I thought I knew Simon better...but it turns out I...didn't...I never saw this coming. I always thought he was strong and wouldn't ever consider doing this. All I know is that his life hangs in balance and no one can say either way what will happen. I know all we can do is pray and ask God to bring Simon back." Dave said in a glum tone.

"Well I am sure there is some thing deep inside him that is keeping him alive. I mean he shouldn't even be breathing on his own because of the damage to his brain. But something deep inside him is fighting to stay alive." I said as I placed my hand on Dave's hand.

With that said the room was plunged into silence once again. It was Friday night when Simon tried to take his own life so I was able to stay with him till Monday which is what I planned on doing. All through the night I stayed. There were a few times when it looked like he might not have survived but every time it looked like that...I would squeeze his hand and whisper "I am right here. Please don't die on me. I love you with all my heart...this I now know." And when I would say that he would begin to get better. I couldn't explain it. It was like I was the reason why he was fighting to live, but why me? Why now? I mean after all I was partly to blame for his condition. What is the point for him to fight for a girl who didn't even give a good damn about him? I should've seen what was happening to him. I mean I saw what was happening to him and how he was slipping away from reality. Pulling himself in and withdrawing himself from the world.

I kept dozing and blanking in and out as the hours crawled by. Each horrific hour, each miserable minute, each sorrowful second that passed in the silent night. How on earth could I stand this pain and torture that I was enduring right now.

The morning sun pierced the window and one sun beam landed on my face warming it up. I turned my head and squeezed my eyes shut as tight as I could. Then I felt a squeeze on my hand which was still wrapped around Simon's hand.

I was a little startled by the sudden pressure on my hand. I opened my eyes and looked at Simon's face and didn't see any change, at least not at first. After studying his face I saw a slight smile. It was nice to see a small smile on his face after not seeing it for many many long months.

I tried to unclasp my hand from his. But when I tried to do so gently his grip tightened on my hand. I didn't know what do. I didn't want to break his hold on my hand as this was a good sign in my opinion. It was then that I realized I needed to use the bathroom. Now I was in a spot.

"Simon. I need to go to the bathroom. I promise I will be back as soon as possible. I won't be gone long!" I said pleadingly.

He let my hand go after I told him that. I stood up and made my way to the bathroom. Once inside I went to the sink. I looked at myself in the mirror, my face was pale and my cheeks were tear stained from all the crying. My hands were shaking and I was trembling. My heart was pit-er pattering as I replayed all the events that had happened the day before.

I recalled what I did after I left Simon in the tree house. I went home and called my boyfriend telling him what was going on. I told him how concerned I was about Simon and how he was acting strange. That something didn't seem right with him. We talked for a while but my worry/concern got the better of me. So I hung up with my boy friend and headed over to Simon's house to see how he was. It was then that I saw the letters and read the one marked friends. Once I finished reading I rushed to Simon's room. Then all the rest happened.

I took one last look at myself in the mirror and tried to clean up my face. If Simon woke up I didn't want him to see me as a complete wreck! Because I am sure I look like one.

I left the restroom and made a b line to Simon's room. When I got there I noticed a group gathered around him and I was a little freaked out at first. Until I realized that it was only the rest of the family there. I wormed my way back to my spot and placed his hand in mine hoping that he would respond.

At first he didn't squeeze my hand and it made me wonder if it was only a hopeful  
dream I had. But then he squeezed my hand tightly as if I were going to vanish into thin air. I squeezed back letting him know I wasn't going to let him go any where. I felt a tear trickle down my face, but this tear wasn't shed because I was sad. Rather I was happy, it was a tear of joy because I knew Simon was alive and was fighting to stay alive...for me.

Simon's pov.

The darkness was strong upon me as it sucked me in. I longed to be gone, to be rid of my limited useless and cursed body of pain. I wasn't going to miss anything back home, I thought it was the best thing that I had ever done. But something kept nagging at me. I couldn't explain it it was almost like I regretted killing myself...but I knew that I did the best thing. I mean who wants to see someone self destruct? Its more painful to see them die a little more each day then it is to seem them dead once and for all then slowly dying.

Suddenly the darkness stopped and was no longer coming towards me. I then felt tethered to an anchor, which must have been his body not failing him but rather being kept alive.

"DAMN!" I said as I realized that it was Jeanette that had saved my dying body. But again that feeling arose inside me...the very same one that had urged me not to do what I had just done. How come I was so torn? Why couldn't I just ignore it? What on earth was it that made me want to live? What purpose did I have? I mean I was a loser to most people, even Alvin considered me a loser when he was around his jock buddies.

But I knew he loved me. It was then that an epic battle broke out and I was in the fight of my life. Part of me wanted to die and the other part wanted to fight to stay alive. I was torn as I didn't want to see the sad disappointed faces that would be there when I came back. Plus I would have to face the reality that I was a failure in life...but maybe that wasn't such a bad thing as I am young and I could always make a come back.

But the other part that wanted to die was just the opposite. It told me that I was a loser and a failure, that no one really loved me, it held that dreadful day when I got my heart smashed as its anthem. It was making for a very convincing choice.

It was at that time that he heard a voice that sounded like it was coming from a million miles away and was very faint. I was able to make it out, I realized that it was a reason to live as it was disproving all the reasons why I should give up and die.

It was then that I made a decision. I am sure that it will be a long journey to get where I wanted to go but it was a journey I was going to make.

Simon opened his eyes and tossed his head limply to look at Jeanette, he was admiring her courage to stay by his side even after he had been so mean to her in his letter and let her watch as he took his life. Simon looked like he had been to hell and back, which had. But it was Jeanette that kept him fighting each time he was close to giving up.

Jeanette looked up and saw that Simon was looking at her, she shook her head thinking that she was dreaming or something.

"Its not a dream." Simon said.

Jeanette was dumbfounded that Simon had beaten the odds and was alive and well. "You scared you know. You have a long way to go before you will be back to normal. But I will be there with you every step of the way."

"I know you will."

With that Simon squeezed her hand and closed his eyes so that he could sleep and regain his strength.

And that is how this story ends, Simon is on the road to recovery and sees that just because he felt his life was going nowhere didn't mean that it was. So the moral of this little story is to realize that whatever you are struggling with will eventually go away.


End file.
